麻豆传媒

IT IS SAD to see a newspaper with the pedigree of The Times spouting
the wildest pseudoscience.

An article in the sports section on 20 January discussed that old chestnut
oxygen therapy. Much of it was relatively harmless, if self-evident: 鈥淥xygen is
vital to cell regeneration,鈥� we are told solemnly, and 鈥渋ncreasing the level of
oxygen in the body boosts energy levels鈥�.

But then come the statistics. 鈥淚n the 1800s,鈥� according to the article, 鈥渢he
atmosphere contained 38 per cent oxygen and 1 per cent carbon dioxide. Today, it
is 19 per cent oxygen and 25 per cent carbon dioxide.鈥�

Help! Can anybody reading this still breathe?

Actually, according to atmospheric chemist Dwayne Heard at Leeds University,
oxygen levels in the atmosphere have remained fairly constant at around 21 per
cent for some 300 million years. Which is just as well for the Victorians, since
with 38 per cent oxygen in the air most things around them would have been in
the habit of spontaneously combusting, and all the antioxidant creams in the
world wouldn鈥檛 have saved their skins.

As for the leap in atmospheric CO₂, has The Times finally
established the cause of global warming? No, it hasn鈥檛. If the atmosphere were
25 per cent CO₂ we would all have choked to death long ago. Perhaps
what the article meant to say is that CO₂ levels have risen by 25 per
cent from 280 parts per million (0.028 per cent) in the 1800s to 350 parts per
million (0.035 per cent) today. That鈥檚 bad, admittedly鈥攂ut trying to cram
in a bit of extra oxygen every now and then isn鈥檛 going to make any
difference.

OUR MENTION of the family of free software called GNU鈥攕tanding for
GNU鈥檚 Not Unix鈥攐n 6 January set several readers thinking about other
recursive acronyms. These abound in the computing world, since programmers enjoy
a good laugh as much as anybody else鈥攁lthough, as reader Jim Cameron
points out, often at things nobody else would find amusing.

Cygnus Solutions, Cameron tells us, offers paid support for GNU software. Its
name expands to 鈥淐ygnus, Your GNU Support鈥�. He also tells us that the popular
e-mail program Pine was written as a successor to the earlier Elm mailer.
Allegedly, Pine stands for 鈥淧ine Is No-longer Elm鈥�.

A package that enables Linux and Unix PCs to run Windows applications is
known as Wine, which stands for 鈥淲ine Is Not an Emulator鈥�. And last but possibly
worst, the kernel of the GNU project鈥檚 own operating system is described by a
pair of mutually recursive acronyms: HURD (Hird of Unix-Replacing Daemons) and
HIRD (Hurd of Interfaces Representing Depth).

If you鈥檙e a programmer, you may well find this funny.

AND WHILE we鈥檙e on this subject, can anyone tell us how to pronounce the name
of a Web-advertised software package called 鈥淕KrellM鈥�?

RECENTLY Hewlett-Packard held one of those vision-of-the-future events that
high-tech companies do so like to stage. After the smoke and lasers, managing
director Phil Lawler told everyone: 鈥淗P wants to make products that help
辫别辞辫濒别.鈥�

By coincidence, we had just bought one of HP鈥檚 most expensive scanners, to
try and get rid of piles of loose-leaf paper. The scanner came with several
complicated software programs, but no instruction manuals to read while trying
to use the system, or even study on the train. Instead the user has to display
and scroll through hundreds of pages of text on screen, or print out several
trayloads of loose-leaf paper to get a hard copy.

So is this what HP means by helping people?

Says Shabnum Rajput, HP鈥檚 scanner marketing manager: 鈥淭his is a decision made
a couple of years ago based on some focus groups we carried out.鈥�

We would dearly love to meet whoever it was that told HP the best way to help
people get rid of piles of paper is to print out a huge pile of paper.

滨罢鈥橲 a long, long day if you work for ntl. The section of the company鈥檚
website containing its 鈥渦ser policy鈥� for cable modems has this to say about
鈥渁buse of the services鈥�: 鈥淵ou must not disclose your password or user ID to
anyone else. Your account can only be used for a single internet session at any
one time and for no more than 24 hours in any one day.鈥�

THE Tascam DA-P1 digital audio tape recorder, Syd Curtis tells us, is an
excellent instrument. What鈥檚 more its manual is full of clear and concise
instructions鈥攕uch as: 鈥淩ecord Time: 120 minutes (with 120-minute
迟补辫别).鈥�

THIS instruction was spotted on a packet of potatoes from a supermarket:
鈥淪crub prick and boil鈥�. We haven鈥檛 the faintest idea why Jen Taylor thinks this
is so funny, but we hear the word 鈥減unctuation鈥� among the giggles. And we
suspect that Jen is a she.

FINALLY, reader Robin Page-Wood reports attempts by his daughter to locate a
copy of Mark Kurlansky鈥檚 excellent book Cod in a Canterbury bookshop.
She eventually found it listed under 鈥淩eligion鈥�.