SOME people have speculated that when the Large Hadron Collider is switched on at CERN in Switzerland later this year, time travellers from the future may appear (麻豆传媒, 9 February, p 32).
鈥淲e should be ready to welcome them,鈥� Anthony Higham decrees, 鈥渙n this, the most important event in history 鈥� in actual fact the end of history.鈥�
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But what should we say to them?
鈥淲e had better keep it short,鈥� Higham points out. 鈥淭hese people are going to be very busy. When you have all the time in the world to do something, it never gets done. Our guests literally have all the time in the world, so they are going to have a lot on their plates.鈥�
We hope researchers at CERN have prepared their suitably concise speeches 鈥� and aren鈥檛 too intimidated by the probability that the time travellers already know what they are going to say.
MEANWHILE, it seems the British government is contemplating travelling through time to a different dimension. The UK鈥檚 minister of state for employment relations is Pat McFadden. On 19 February he gave to the Young Fabians society, in which he argued that the government鈥檚 fate at the next election would depend on 鈥渨hether voters feel we understand the future and can lead Britain through it鈥�.
Peter Willmer was intrigued to know that the government plans to take the country through the future to whatever lies beyond it.
鈥淭emporally out of action鈥� reads a note spotted by Rod Anderson in the men鈥檚 toilet at Church House, Westminster 鈥� bastion of the Church of England and as good a place as any for toilets that work only spiritually鈥�
TALKING of time travel, when Eric O鈥橲ullivan applied for membership of the Automobile Association in Ireland, he was a little surprised to see that the options available for giving his year of birth started at 2011. Like the Large Hadron Collider, it seems the Irish AA is expecting tourists from the future.
AND here鈥檚 an enquiry apparently aimed at those tourists when they arrive. When Rivqa Berger did a survey on the website of Australian radio station , she was taken aback to be asked: 鈥淚n the future which of the following have influenced your purchase decision when choosing underwear/casual comfort clothing?鈥�
TURNING to something different, how鈥檚 this for a headline? 鈥淎mazing brain wave device unlocks the secret to weight loss,鈥� declares a press release sent by to鈥� er, did they know they were sending it to 麻豆传媒?
鈥淭he Metabolizer is a new, pain-free way to shed those extra pounds,鈥� they write, 鈥渨ithout the health risks from methods like smoking, caffeine pills, and crash diets.鈥� So what does it do? 鈥淭his is the first and only hand-held device that actually uses brain waves to help you lose weight safely.鈥�
Next is a sciency bit, of course: 鈥淭he Metabolizer taps into the part of the brain called the hypothalamus, and speeds up your metabolism to help you lose weight with the touch of a dial. It works simply by adjusting the dial and placing the device on your temple for 1 minute, twice a day.鈥�
There is no clue there about how the Metabolizer could affect your hypothalamus, which is close to the centre of your head. The picture on the website shows a dial marked 鈥渓ow鈥� and 鈥渉igh鈥� along with something that looks a lot like a small loudspeaker grille. No radio or microwaves would get through that grille unless the wavelength was smaller than a millimetre 鈥� that is, unless it was in a practically unused band at the very top of the microwave spectrum.
Feedback will concede that if you spent the $64 this gizmo costs on ice cream instead, you would receive about 20,000 calories based on the first online price we found of $3.39 per US pint. Buying the gizmo and foregoing the ice cream would therefore mean losing weight. We can鈥檛 think of any other way it could work 鈥� unless it emits a noise so nasty it puts even dedicated eaters off their food. Can readers help?
HORSHAM is a town in southern England, and it no doubt boasts excellent medical facilities. Even so, several readers have been surprised by a sign on the town鈥檚 bypass road announcing 鈥淭reatment works鈥�. James Fenton presumes this is propaganda for the National Health Service, while Jim Grozier asks simply, 鈥淗ow do they know?鈥�
FINALLY, a reader in Chicago tells us the instructions for the Estrace oestradiol vaginal cream she was prescribed read: 鈥淯se as directed. 1 applicator (2 grams) per vagina every week.鈥�
鈥淚 thought it was so thoughtful of them to include the clarifying phrase 鈥榩er vagina鈥� so as to ensure that every one of my vaginas was properly treated,鈥� she says.