麻豆传媒

British Airways resurrects forgotten format war

BRITISH AIRWAYS recently offered customers the chance to earn credits for free flights by taking part in online surveys based on their special interests. A colleague of Feedback signed up, citing consumer and home electronics as his favoured field.

A survey arrived by email, which our colleague dutifully took seriously until the question popped up: 鈥淚n your opinion, which high definition DVD format will win the 鈥榝ormat war鈥�?鈥�. The answer options were 鈥淏lu-ray will win鈥�, 鈥淗D DVD will win鈥�, 鈥渘either鈥� or 鈥渂oth鈥�.

Sorry? The 鈥渇ormat war鈥� between Blu-ray and HD DVD discs ran for several years, but ended in February 2008 when Toshiba, which backed HD DVDs, dramatically conceded defeat 鈥� at huge corporate cost and loss of face. Toshiba now sells Blu-ray players. Most people have long forgotten what HD DVD was 鈥� except, it seems, the market researchers who work with British Airways.

Our colleague confesses that he couldn鈥檛 resist answering the question with the firm opinion that HD DVD will definitely win the format war.

鈥淲hen he tried to use an online translator to turn a Spanish web page into English, Roly Roper was told: 鈥淕oogle error. Translation from English into English is not supported鈥�

Covering letter covered by covering letter

THE 鈥渘otice of variation鈥� in the terms and conditions of Jon Chard鈥檚 account with UK bank First Direct was in the form of a 12-page pamphlet in a very small typeface.

It was accompanied by a covering letter which stated: 鈥淲e are making changes鈥� for one or more of the following reasons鈥︹�� The letter went on to list three possible reasons for the changes, one of which was divided into three sub-reasons.

Given that the bank was presumably the author of its revised terms and conditions, Jon found it puzzling that it was unable to be more precise about why it had made the changes.

More puzzling still, the covering letter was accompanied by another covering letter which asked Jon to read the first covering letter. Disconcertingly, it seemed the issue of recursion had sneaked into the bank鈥檚 communications about its terms and conditions.

Jon was relieved that he did not also receive a covering letter highlighting the importance of reading the covering letter to the covering letter to the 12-page pamphlet.

Now you have it now you don鈥檛

MORE untouched-by-human-hand gobbledegook plops through Jim Grozier鈥檚 letterbox. 鈥淭hank you for taking out BT Total Broadband Option 1鈥�, BT informs him: 鈥淵ou have stopped your BT Total Broadband Option 1鈥�.

So how does that happen? It seemed unlikely that he had subscribed merely for the milliseconds between printing the two lines. We wrote back to ask Jim: 鈥淒oes it work?鈥� and 鈥淒id they charge you for it?鈥�

Happily, the answers were yes to the first, so our email evidently reached him, and, inevitably, yes to the second also. It appears that the BT computer was taking account of 鈥� but reversing 鈥� the minuscule interval between one contract ending and Jim agreeing to renew.

Fill your toilet with bacteria

ACCORDING to Wikipedia, 鈥淧robiotics are live micro-organisms thought to be healthy for the host organism.鈥� So they are generally considered a good thing, it seems 鈥� but would you want to clean your toilet with them?

Scottish TV presenter Aggie Mackenzie thinks you would and endorses a line of 鈥淎ggie鈥檚鈥� household cleaning products with the brand name 鈥淧robiotic鈥�. So if you feel like adding thousands of extra micro-organisms to the ones that already live in your toilet, go ahead and buy the ones Aggie is offering. We don鈥檛 think we will, though.

What bears can鈥檛 do in the woods

EVERY sportsman needs his own throne, according to an advert in the Kotula鈥檚 catalogue for an (). The headline 鈥淏ears will wish they had one鈥� sits under an illustration of what appears to be a toilet seat that attaches to the tow bar at the rear of a pickup truck.

Caroline Goodall鈥檚 imagination was particularly fired by the statements that the seat 鈥渟upports up to 500 lb鈥�, that it is 鈥渘ot for use when vehicle is in motion鈥� and 鈥渃an get slippery when wet鈥�. Our imagination is boggled by the promise of a 鈥渧ideo online鈥�.

Gravity鈥檚 optimum working environment

THE that Marianne Coupe found on the Home Depot website explained that the soil had to have the appropriate amount of drainage and extra nutrients because: 鈥淔or garden plants, gravity pulls water through the soil. Containers, however, are too small and shallow for gravity to do its job.鈥�

鈥淚s this true?鈥� Marianne asks. 鈥淚 hadn鈥檛 realised the gravity on my terrace garden needed a spacious working environment. Is it a union thing? Health and safety?鈥�

Time to get rid of efficiencies

FINALLY, the Central Bedfordshire local authority in the UK promises on its website that its 鈥渇irst focus鈥� is on 鈥渄riving out efficiencies鈥�.

Pamela Manfield is 鈥渘ot sure whether to be horrified at the statement or pleased that a council may be actually telling the truth about the way it operates鈥�.