DYSKEUOMORPHS 鈥� anachronistic representations of flawed technologies, such as on-screen clocks that replicate the mechanical juddering of a second hand 鈥� fascinate Feedback (10 September 2011).
Tim Cross writes to remind us of a potential recruit to the club: the 鈥渟now鈥� on untuned analogue TV sets. As terrestrial television switches to digital transmission, this is being replaced with plain blue screens.
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The UK鈥檚 last analogue TV transmitter, in Northern Ireland, is to be turned off on 24 October, rendering a whole range of metaphors outmoded. Tim points to the opening sentence of William Gibson鈥檚 Neuromancer: 鈥淭he sky above the port was the colour of a television, tuned to a dead channel.鈥� Once a cloudy grey, that will now be deep blue.
The film Poltergeist will become instantly quaint, depending as its plot does on analogue snow. Few of us will be able to 鈥渟ee鈥� the cosmic microwave background 鈥� accounting for a small percentage of TV static, according to the 鈥� at home. And no longer will stoned hippies spend the small hours staring at an untuned TV screen and seeing messages there.
An era is about to pass 鈥� except that before long we will probably see snow on our screens again in the form of a dyskeuomorph.
Shopping for a calculator, Jeff May was pleased to be informed by Amazon that the Casio FX-83GT Plus costs 拢3.18 per 100 grams
Yer guide tae the cheenge-ower
CHECKING the details of the UK analogue TV switch-off led us to the very wonderful publication , which notes that 鈥淭his beukie can be gotten in muckle prent, audio or Braille.鈥�
What鈥檚 that, then? It鈥檚 Ulster Scots 鈥� the Scots tongue as spoken in Northern Ireland. English-speakers may find it easier to understand when read out loud.
For reasons to do with giving 鈥減arity of esteem鈥� to all communities in Northern Ireland, various official documents are translated from English into Ulster Scots as well as into Irish (which in Ulster Scots is 鈥淓rse鈥�).
Just follow Alan Sugar鈥檚 instructions
WE HAVE been tracking Lord Sugar since he was Alan Sugar, selling budget Amstrad car aerials in East London in the 1960s. We watched him move on to budget audio, budget computers, budget video and budget satellite gear.
His latest role is as chairman of YouView, a company selling a hybrid set-top box that combines broadcast and internet TV.
After many delays, YouView is finally going on sale at around 拢300. We went along to the launch in London because Lord Sugar can usually be relied on to say something blunt. He did not disappoint.
Asked if people would find YouView hard to get working, he said: 鈥淵ou really can鈥檛 get anything easier to set up than this. There will be no thick manual, just instructions on how to plug the box into three things 鈥� the aerial, broadband and TV. Anyone who can鈥檛 understand that probably shouldn鈥檛 be watching TV.鈥�
Free plugs for Murdoch and Branston
READING further into the Ulster Scots digital changeover guide mentioned above, we discover that 鈥淕in ye鈥檇 like a braider chyce o chainels, ye shoud consither freesat or Freesat from Sky, or subscreeve tae a service the like o Sky TV, Virgin Media, BT Vision or Top Up TV, that proffers addeetional bunnles the like of films an sport.鈥�
All three language versions of this guide are published by Digital UK, the company set up by UK broadcasters to lead the changeover to digital TV. It gets a large slice of its funds from the BBC, a public broadcaster which in turn gets its funds from the licence fee 鈥� that is, from the UK public. So the likes of Rupert Murdoch (Sky) and Richard Branson (Virgin) get a plug in the guide courtesy of public broadcasting funds. Quite how trenchantly will Alan Sugar react to not getting his own YouView plug?
TURNING to other matters, we expressed puzzlement on 14 July that Speedo felt it necessary to warn people only to use a Speedo snorkel in water. Where else would you use one, we asked?
鈥淚 have seen my son use a mask and snorkel while chopping up onions,鈥� Paul Dudley told us in response 鈥� and a surprising number of other readers recommended the same strategy.
Farah Mendlesohn, however, was the only reader to point out: 鈥淚f you watched either Tiswas [UK children鈥檚 TV show] or Comic Relief [UK grown-ups鈥� TV show], you would know that the other popular location for snorkels is in baths of custard or baked beans.鈥�
Translation from French gets lost
FINALLY, a week later we were puzzled again, this time when Antony Badsey-Ellis told us that a card advertising the online Novotel Store instructed him to 鈥渟crew the 2D code with the objective of your device鈥� (21 July).
Novotel is a French firm 鈥� and readers with a better knowledge of French than Feedback were quick to explain. 鈥淎 lens in French is called an objectif 鈥� which also translates as 鈥榦bjective鈥�,鈥� said Noel Cramer, for example. 鈥淭o aim is viser, but if you misspell the word as visser, it translates as 鈥榯o screw鈥�.鈥�
Lost in translation, once again.