Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more
Nano-whatsits invade minds
FOLLOWING our mention of a portmanteau conspiracy theory (13 April), Fred Riley sends an update. That story concerned âNew Evidence Fukushima Disaster Created by HAARP/Chemtrails/Plasma Weapons and Possible Mini-nukeâ. This one, posted to the UK on 9 May by someone calling themselves David Lloyd, informs the world that the reason that species and habitats are facing wipeout is âChemtrail spraying of our skies â NANO sized aluminium and barium particlesâŚâ
Feedback had wondered when a conspiracy theory with nano-whatsits would appear, and here it is.
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What other conspiracy theories might be looming? Could we prepare ourselves pre-emptively to debunk them? For inspiration, we looked to the Feedback list of fruitloopery indicators: words, like âquantumâ and âvibrationalâ that, out of context, are sure-fire indicators of⌠unusual thinking (13 October 2012 and 20 August 2011).
From the list we picked âtachyonâ. A famous web search engine informed us that the pairing âtachyon chemtrailsâ is already in conspiracy-theory use, at least in the sense that on Ebay there is an ââ that promises to protect you against the oh-so-mysterious trails of vapour in the sky. We should have expected that, too.
Astronomer Jay Pasachoff sends us a photo of a sign affixed to the wall of the Indianapolis Convention Center. It says: âPlease Do Not Affix Any Items to the Wallâ
Super-extra-complete download
LAST month we reported on Hugh Lawtonâs screenshot showing that his download of the MacKeeper programme had reached â4,100% completeâ before he got bored with watching it (25 May).
Marc Smith-Evans writes: âI can do better. Hugh hasnât reached half way, but then again, how many per cent would be half way?â
Marc sends us a screenshot of MacKeeper installing on his computer. The screen announces: âDownloading: 9,800% complete.â
Soap surface surprise
THE âiTouchless 16 oz Automatic Sensor Soap Dispenserâ, Carl Zetie notes, is apparently equipped with a âRemovable 3D Containerâ (see ). Carl says he is forced to wonder what a 2D container would be like â or for that matter one in four dimensions or more.
Sad soda
THE line at the bottom of the label on Peter Howardâs bottle of Lucozade soft drink bears no discernible relation to the customer services information above it. It says, simply, âIf youâre unhappy keep hold of the bottle.â
Peter is perplexed. âIf it were something a bit stronger, I could understand,â he says. âBut a Lucozade bottle?â
How green is my tile?
IN AN email entitled âThe greenest glass tile everâ, Kyle Rebryna tells us: âWith all the focus these days on making everything greener, one assumes that the more recycled content there is, the better the product.â He gathers that what he has âis the best out thereâ.
What he has is a glass tile sold by Rivaâs The Eco Store in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. He encloses a photo he took of a sign above the samples in the back room of the store. It says: âFireclay Tile. Crush Glass. American-made glass tile made from over 100 per cent recycled glass.â
Boxed in
READER Martin Couchman bought a new computer hard drive from Amazon in November last year. He sends a photo of the box it arrived in, showing a solid-looking brown cardboard box with a big red label on it saying âMulti item set. Do not open.â Martin is now âlooking for ways of making use of the contents of the box. Some sort of wireless communication has been suggested to me, but I donât think thatâll help.â
Puffballs not just for skirts
TIDYING some bookshelves, Clare Byrne came across What to Look for in Autumn, a 1960s book for children published by Ladybird. It included what she calls an âarresting statementâ about the puffballs commonly found in the UK countryside at that time of year: âLarge fungi of this kind can be made into menâs hats, and they are very light and comfortable.â
Clare can âfind nothing to back this statement up, but would love to see somethingâ. So would we.
Horticultural aviation
MANY readers have drawn our attention to the quaintly named âzero gravity garden reclinersâ that are currently widely advertised in the UK and are from a variety of manufacturers. Richard Oldmanâs comment typifies readersâ perplexity about them: âDo these recliners meet health and safety regulations and are pegs included to hold them down, with restraining straps to stop them and their occupants floating off into space?â
Our red-faced shame
FINALLY, we have, as CERN computer scientist Robert Calliau reminds us, âoften pointed out bad uses of percentages and of the phrase âup toâ â. He asks, âwhat is meant by âevacuation times were reduced by up to 160 per centâ in the story on panicky antsâ (1 June, p 16). Phrases including âmotesâ, âbeamsâ, âstonesâ and âglass housesâ come to mind. We did run a âFor the recordâ notice as soon as we saw that in regrettably permanent print (15 June, p 32).