
Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more
Drink up your oxygen
ON A trip to a science conference in Bulgaria, Jasmine Parkinson came across a bottled drink in a service station. It was raspberry flavoured mineral water by Adelholzener. Large letters on the bottle claimed that it contained “15 times more oxygen” than standard Adelholzener mineral water.
Nowhere on the bottle did it explain why water with extra oxygen is better. “Correct me if I’m wrong,” Jasmine says, “but I understand that fish gain oxygen dissolved in water through their gills. However, as I do not have gills in my stomach, I fail to see how this is going to benefit me.”
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Whatever those benefits may be, it turns out that the oxygen content of Jasmine’s mineral water is as nothing compared with the OxyFresh water that Garry Kirkham discovered at oxyfresh.com.au. This tells us: “OxyFresh has up to 700% more oxygen than other waters.” (Note that handy “up to” again.)
What’s more, this “is also a ‘living’ water, with a crystalline molecular structure much like the water found high up in the Himalayas, complete with amazing health benefits”.
If your water is as beneficial as that, you should make sure it is kept in a suitable container. Enter the Life Ionizers Eco Water Bottle that Tom Humphries found at .
Each bottle, the website says, “has the ‘Flower of Life’ symbol on it that energetically enhances the water through the symbology of Sacred Geometry and also contains the phrase ‘Peace, Love, Compassion and Vibrant Health’ to enhance the water.”
Despite all of these blandishments, Feedback remains quite happy sticking to water from the kitchen tap.
Des Mahon was struck by a notice to drivers in the bus station in the UK city of Dundee: “Engines must be switched off at all times”
Elephants per elephant
ELEPHANTS, says Steve Carper, are “fast becoming the premier unit of all work. Not only are they used for mass, they are also a unit of volume.”
Steve cites an article from the 12 August issue of The New Yorker, in which Ben McGrath writes about the construction of the new Second Avenue Subway in New York. He quotes Michael Horodniceanu of MTA Capital Construction, who was standing about 30 metres below Eighty-fourth Street, “in a cavern so vast that he said it could hold fifty-five thousand elephants”.
“Maybe,” says Steve, “we should redefine density in terms of elephants per elephant.”
Nine-dimensional garden pond
SIX years ago, Feedback was inundated by readers’ letters complaining about a series of car advertisements (some of them on the back cover of 鶹ý) giving the vehicle’s engine capacity in the 9-dimensional units of “cubic litres”. Possibly as a result of public derision, including an item in Feedback (15 March 2008), advertisers stopped using this nonsensical phrase – but it seems that in the world of marketing, memories can be short.
Richard Lucas alerts us to , which gives advice on building a pond in your garden. “You can work out what volume of water it will hold by following this simple rule,” it says. “Measure the volume of the pond in cubic centimetres by multiplying the length of the sides by the depth. Divide this amount by 1000 to give you the volume in cubic litres.”
Will this make the pond suitable for 9-dimensional goldfish?
Reply to “DO NOT reply”
THE email Targ Parsons received from the Australian Electoral Commission regarding a postal vote in the recent federal election was sent from donotreply@aec.gov.au.
It began: “This is an automatically generated message from the Australian Electoral Commission (AEC), please DO NOT reply.”
And it ended: “If you have received this transmission in error please notify us immediately by return email.”
Medicine by the kilo
READER David Curl had to go to the vet to get some Indigo, an anti-inflammatory medication needed by his daughter’s guinea pig. The receptionist handed him the bottle and, repeating the printed instructions, told him to “give Indigo 3 kilograms once a day”.
“Shouldn’t that be 3 grams or 3 millilitres or something?” David asked. “Three kilograms sounds like rather a lot.”
“Oh, that’s OK,” replied the receptionist. “Guinea pigs have very fast metabolisms.”
Mysterious fourth figure
FINALLY, the label on the side of a cardboard carton that Mike Goldstein received from Sierra Trading Post shows a barcode and, underneath it, a row of figures. Although no unit of measurement is indicated, Mike assumes these figures tell us the size of the carton – except that there are four of them.
The figures are: “26 x 15 x 7 x 1.4”. The first three presumably refer to inches (this being Washington DC). And the “1.4”? “That,” says Mike, “presumably refers to the dimension of time.”
We are unsure of the implications of this.