Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more
Ship of fools
SUPERYACHTS and their owners can be friends of the earth. Oh, yes. “Build a yacht. Protect the forests,†says Philippe Mondielli, scientific director of the Prince Albert II of Monaco Foundation.
He was writing in a leaflet from the foundation’s Wood Forever Pact, distributed at an for environmental scientists hosted by the foundation last month, which highlights ways in which the owners of superyachts can be “ethical†and “responsibleâ€.
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“Rare tree species adorn yachts,†the leaflet says. Teak “has a justified reputation as the perfect wood for decksâ€, the foundation . But owners of superyachts who care about deforestation now “have the opportunity to make a real differenceâ€. They can “offset†the damage their yacht’s building has done by sending a one-off donation to the Pact: €10 for each tonne of water their yacht displaces. For one of the middle-of-the-range 100-tonne vessels lining the harbour in the tiny Mediterranean principality that is Monaco, that’s €1000.
For their donation, these caring sailors would get “invitations to exclusive events, and the opportunity to network with like-minded ownersâ€. Perhaps they might even get a meeting with the environmentally-minded prince.
Then again, if they really want to go green they might decide to give up their superyachts: quite apart from the tropical hardwoods used in their construction, the most super of yachts can burn up at top speed. If not, the foundation had better get busy. Using the ecological measures of the , it would need to plant a hectare of forest for every 25 minutes of such superyacht .
The Domino’s Pizza leaflet that dropped through Charlie Wartnaby’s letter box defies logic by promising “Savings of up to and over £350â€
Booze bazooka
WHAT on earth could an Ҡbe?
Richard Lucas sends us a scan of an ad he saw in the CPC catalogue promoting the “Shootndrink†gun, describing it as a “high speed spirit delivery system†to “take drinking games to another levelâ€.
The gun comes with a cartridge – you “fill the cartridge with the spirit of your choiceâ€, which is then “shot out at high speed into the drinker’s mouthâ€. It is, says the ad, “ideal for stag and hen nightsâ€.
Feedback was greatly taken by the whistle-in-the-wind statement concluding the promotion: “NB. Please enjoy Alcohol Shot Gun by drinking responsibly.â€
Well, happiness to their sheets!
WHY would anyone buy a rubber bed sheet that plugs into the mains electric supply? According to to which Sophie Barnes alerts us, they would do so in order to “experience reported benefits of quality sleep, vitality, reduced painâ€. Feedback’s inner pedant – never far from the surface – understands what is being claimed here, and the advertiser’s need for legal wriggle-room. But their wording still makes us imagine the user being annoyingly woken up in order to “experience†reports by others of such benefits.
The benefits arise, apparently, when you “just lie on the sheet with bare legs and let the Earths [sic] natural rhythms and pool of electrons [sic±Õ.â€
Ah, yes: who wouldn’t want to be connected to Earth’s pool of electrons? Possibly someone who appreciates the late physicist Richard Feynman’s proposal that there is , which pops up in different places whenever it is observed.
Such a person might, however, be unwilling to spend £144.95 on a bed sheet, when also offers for £1.48.
Strange serpents
THE advert for the Sentinel Q Electronic Snake Repeller that Anna Butcher spotted in Australia’s Farmer Direct aroused her interest, partly because the illustration and description didn’t make it at all clear how the repeller worked – or indeed whether it worked. But it was also because it included : “100 per cent safe to use around children and animalsâ€.
“This means,†says Anna, “that the snakes, being animals, won’t be harmed by the Snake Repeller – but I am concerned for my own safety, being an adult.â€
Hedgehogs lie tumbling
THE photo of a charming little hedgehog sniffing a bowl of food in Rachel Cave’s recent CJ Wildlife catalogue carries a caption stating that the bowl contains ““.
“This easily digestible food is akin to their natural diet, so our prickly friends are sure to enjoy this meaty feast,†the brochure explains. It continues with the product’s composition, starting with “meat and animal derivatives from organic chicken and turkeyâ€.
Rachel says she is now afraid to go into the garden at night for fear of encountering hedgehogs that snack on chickens and turkeys – considering how large they would have to be.
A novel review process
FINALLY, the International Journal of Latest Research in Science and Technology told Andrew Kirk in an email soliciting papers that it is an “academic Online Open ‘Right to Use’ Pear Reviewed International Journalâ€.
Andrew wonders how the pear review process is conducted – and whether it makes the journal more likely to accept fruitloopery.