麻豆传媒

Why is there no such thing as a sex drive?
A drive is a motivational system to deal with life-or-death issues, like hunger or being too cold. You鈥檙e not going to die if you don鈥檛 have sex.

But biologists might say that if you don鈥檛 reproduce, that is a form of death
Yes. That鈥檚 the argument that was used when desire was being added to the way sexual dysfunctions were diagnosed in the 1970s, to justify the framing of sexual desire as a drive. But when it comes to sex, there just isn鈥檛 any physical evidence of a drive mechanism.

So what鈥檚 going on?
If sex is a drive then desire should be spontaneous, like a hunger. When you see a sexy person or have a stray sexy thought, it activates an internal craving or urge for sex. That鈥檚 called 鈥渟pontaneous desire鈥�. It feels like it comes out of the blue. But there is another way of experiencing desire which is also healthy and normal, called 鈥渞esponsive desire鈥�, where your interest only emerges in response to arousal. So, your partner comes over and starts kissing your neck and you鈥檙e like, 鈥渙h, right, sex, that鈥檚 a good idea鈥�.

Do you think an absence of spontaneous desire is normal?
Yes. If our metaphor for desire is hunger, if you are never hungry for food there will be dire consequences and that鈥檚 clearly a disorder, right? That鈥檚 a medical problem that needs to be fixed. But not experiencing spontaneous hunger for sex doesn鈥檛 have dire consequences; it is not a medical disorder. I think the reason we expect everyone to have spontaneous desire is because that鈥檚 how most men experience it.

What proportion of people experience desire in this way?
Roughly 70 per cent of men typically experience spontaneous desire and something like 10 to 20 per cent of women have spontaneous desire as their primary desire style. But for all of us it depends on the context.

What do you think about drugs being developed to treat the 鈥渓ack鈥� of spontaneous desire in women?
A drug called Flibanserin has recently been resubmitted to the US Food and Drug Administration, targeted specifically at spontaneous desire. I think its makers genuinely believe spontaneous desire is the only normal way to experience desire. I want us to start thinking of responsive desire as normal and healthy.

But many people who don鈥檛 experience spontaneous desire might like to鈥�
Spontaneous desire is totally fun. But you鈥檙e not broken just because you鈥檙e not experiencing it. Spontaneous desire isn鈥檛 necessary for sexual pleasure. Is it more important that people crave sex than it is that they enjoy the sex they鈥檙e having? One of the best ways to make your sex life suck is to genuinely believe that the way you鈥檙e experiencing sexual desire is dysfunctional.

This article appeared in print under the headline 鈥淵ou have no sex drive鈥�