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Feedback: Bluetooth pregnancy test is not immaculate conception

Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more

Baby Bluetooth
stork
Paul McDevitt

IN AN age of cheap wireless technology, the temptation to add connectivity to your product can be overwhelming, even when you really shouldn’t. Take, for example, First Response, whose latest offering is a Bluetooth-enabled pregnancy test. Once connected to your smartphone, an app will entertain you with music or videos while you wait for a result, and offer advice after the fact.

Engadget journalist Nicole Lee sums up Feedback’s reaction with an article entitled ā€œI don’t need a damn ā€œ, reminding First Response that ā€œnot everything in our lives needs to be connectedā€. Is this the worst product yet to join the much-vaunted and equally maligned Internet of Things? We’re certain you can find others.

App slap

MORE questionable technology: brain-training programs may be a dime a dozen, but app-maker Lumosity finds itself paying out $2 million to over a suite of 40 such games.

The Federal Trade Commission the company of deceiving customers with unfounded claims that the games could improve performance at work and in school, and reduce cognitive decline. Feedback concludes the smartest thing you can do with brain-boosting apps is bin them.

Babbling brooks

VETERAN readers will recall the enduring legacy of Masaru Emoto’s bizarre theory that water can absorb the sentiments of words written on the label. Now, finally, the water is ready to talk back.

Janet Gambles directs our attention to Blue Bottle Love’s ā€œHo’oponoponoā€ products, which are, er, lovely blue bottles with the word ā€œHo’oponoponoā€ written on them. This incantation, , ā€œis the powerful, ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness that allows the healing of many physical, mental and emotional ailmentsā€.

Filling a bottle and placing it in the sun will ā€œincrease the frequency of your water and raise your overall vibrationā€ when drunk. Furthermore, ā€œthis design represents the cleansing phrases of I love you… Thank you… I am sorry… Please forgive meā€.

The latter half of which will be particularly handy when handing a bottle of warm, stale water to a thirsty friend.

Chrome dome

TINFOIL hatters Shield are offering a beanie for warding off stray electromagnetic waves (9 January). Martin Gregorie worries that the construction ā€œis a reasonable approximation to a spherical mirror for radio wavesā€, suggesting the signal from a cellphone in the wearer’s pocket ā€œwill be intercepted by the inside of the beanie, where it will be focused onto a small part of the users’ brainā€.

However, Shield deflects this criticism. ā€œMany people are asking about signals that come through other parts of head and hit the inside of the reflective cap, then pass back through the brain a second time or stay inside and multiply their power,ā€ writes the company. ā€œThis is ridiculous.ā€ Finally, something we all agree on.

Cheaper by the pound?

Craig Borland is helpfully informed by internet megamart Amazon that the WileyFox Swift smartphone is Ā£129.99, or ā€œĀ£52/100g

Year in review

WE’RE heartened – rather inexplicably, we admit – to learn that 2016 is a palindrome year when written in binary after all, provided you’re willing to climb to the appropriate vantage point. John Hurst writes to reveal that 2016 can be written in 16 bits as 0000011111100000. ā€œThis is the only palindromic 16-bit binary year in most people’s lifetime,ā€ says John, though younger readers can look forward to celebrating again in 2064.

Time sensitive

MORE forward planning: Martin Stevenson is informed by his anti-virus program that his protection expires in ā€œ21198813 daysā€, and is encouraged to renew now to stay fully protected. Better safe than sorry, we think – although 58,000 years is a generous margin of error.

Confounding factor

PREVIOUSLY, Feedback discovered ā€œinternational visionary and energy healing practitionerā€ Douglas Ballard, who claims he can accurately answer any question (2 January). Tim Stevenson writes: ā€œPerhaps this sage should be asked, ā€˜Why do you not know the answer to this question?'ā€

Difference of opinion

A PAIR of papers published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences caught Richard Pearson’s eye.

Youhua Chen and DĆ©nes Schmera that ā€œAdditive partitioning of a beta diversity index is controversialā€, to which Kris Murray and AndrĆ©s Baselga ā€œPartitioning beta diversity into replacement and nestedness-resultant components is not controversialā€. Normally, intractable parties must agree to disagree. But wouldn’t that prove Chen and Schmera were right? If only Douglas Ballard were here.

Sick clicks

LAST month, David Taub asked for a word to describe chancing upon something that you really wish you didn’t know existed (9 January). For online encounters, Tony Kline suggests ā€œyuk-hit, pronounced yukkitā€. It’s a start, though we’re not sure ā€œyukā€ really sums up the worst the web can throw at us.

Off the rails

sinkhole
Paul McDevitt
LEVITATING trains may have come to southern England sooner than expected. Barrie Watson forwards news from the BBC that ā€œthere were difficulties on the Southern network when a sinkhole caused trains between Redhill in Surrey and Tonbridge in Kent to be suspendedā€. Let’s hope passengers weren’t left hanging around for long.

Topics: electromagnetism / pregnancy and birth