BACK in 2011 we noted the emerging art form of the Amazon customer review (29 January and 26 February 2011). Certain products, we discovered, had garnered huge numbers of ironic customer reviews on Amazon: examples included “Tuscan Whole Milk”, with 1242 reviews at that time, and “The Mountain Three Wolf Short Sleeve Tee”, with 1896 reviews.
We are delighted to discover that this art form lives on. Ralph Finch draws our attention to the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer (), which at the time we went to press had garnered 3995 customer reviews on Amazon. Typical is the enthusiasm shown by Mrs Toledo who, in her review entitled “Saved my marriage”, begins: “What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn’t already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone…” and who finishes: “AND we’ve even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS, 571B BANANA SLICER!”
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Meanwhile, Iain Adams alerts us to another Amazon product, a book entitled How to Avoid Huge Ships (). Although it has yet to achieve the numerical success of the banana slicer, its 447 reviews still make interesting reading. Take the one from Noel Hill which begins: “As the father of two teenagers, I found this book invaluable. I’m sure other parents here can empathize when I say I shudder at the thought of the increasing influence and presence of huge ships in the lives of my children.”
Arnside Parish Council in Cumbria helpfully displays a notice: “This notice board is no longer used.” Colin Jex suggests adding: “except for this notice”
FEEDBACK’S mention of the lift in the Department of Electrical and Electronic Engineering building at Imperial College London that denied access to the third floor (16 March) prompted Terrance O’Malley to tell us about an equally strange building. Many of the elevators in the newest Federal building in San Francisco, California, he writes, stop at every third floor: “The reason is that it was decided that Federal employees need the exercise.” We were sceptical, but it’s a .
Unless they use the elevators for people unable to use stairs, two-thirds of employees must walk up or down a flight of stairs to reach their floor. Apparently this encourages social interaction, too. Heaven forfend that it should be a cost-saving measure.
Terrance wonders whether there is a fitness test for people who want to work on the floors where all the elevators stop.
Mystery of the missing third floor
LOOKING for an explanation for the missing third floor at Imperial College mentioned above we found a nifty of its campus, with short videos of people – presumably students there – telling us about each building ().
We virtually visited the Electrical and Electronic Engineering department and were given a brief introduction to the building. But then, when the student had finished, things went weird. With the camera still running, she remained in position, but after a while began to look bored. She started fidgeting impatiently and leaning to peer out of the screen, as if to see if there was any intelligent life out there.
This went on for a very long time until we got fed up and tried to stop her by restarting the video. We clicked here, we clicked there. Her expression seemed to get more irritated – leading us to expect her to reach out and grab our mouse, admonishing us in the process: “look, it’s easy, you click here and here…” At last we found the button blatantly marked “restart video” and felt suitably humbled.
This bit of student humour left us none the wiser, though. The images showed no sign of the ventilation plant that we half-expected would explain the absence of a third floor.
HER Majesty’s Government of the United Kingdom has been advertising for science and mathematics graduates to enter the teaching profession. Inducements listed on posters on the London Underground include the suggestion that a science teacher could, after “only four years”, go into management.
Steve Elliott is perturbed at “the implication that being a teacher is somehow less important and has lower status than being a manager”.
It is strange, is it not, that this didn’t occur to the managers who approved the ad.
READER Chris Aubrey-Smith normally considers himself to be a “suitably competent person” – as specified by the instructions on installing the power-supply brick he bought – but he found himself struggling to comply with the safety warning: “NOTE: neither wire must not be connected to earth terminal or supply earthing wire.”
FINALLY, Perry Bebbington tells us about a shop window promoting “Animal Designer Accessories” in the UK town of Kimberley, Nottinghamshire. Perry assumes from this that: “genetic engineering has become so easy and commonplace – at least in the Midlands – that there are now shops where you can have an animal designed to your own specifications.”